my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize