my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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