My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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