He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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