We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Mom said you looked used
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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