he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
