OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
