Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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