I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize