I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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