Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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