Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am available for nakedness
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
