Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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