Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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