Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
