"it" just moved
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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