my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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