All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
