Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you had me at cake vodka
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
