Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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