Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just forgot I was standing up.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize