I am spending my child support on dildos
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
