The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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