i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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