dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
