dude i'm inner monologue high
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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