love makes seman taste better
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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