No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
