Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
