Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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