fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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