How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
