Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
