they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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