my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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