I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
