I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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