yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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