Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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