You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The uberlube is also flammable
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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