I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize