I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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