god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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