Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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