I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
