There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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