apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
