why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
