I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
