I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
