Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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