I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
FUCK WHALES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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