Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just had sex bonerless
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
