This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
