When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
