I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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