you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
