"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize