You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
