UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
