I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
