do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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