that's an acceptable place to lick
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
