she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
