You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
