I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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