Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
