Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
