I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
